I work in a corporate office building. There is an older man who works in the warehouse of our company. There have already been complaints about him and his "too-friendly" attitude. He constantly stops by my desk, he asks questions about my personal life, calls me names like "honey, my love, beauty" and so forth. I always keep a serious demeanor, apart from just greeting him (to not be rude) and answer with yes or no, never wanting to carry a long conversation with him. Sometimes if I am on the phone he will just stand in front of my desk and stare at me until I get off the phone. The thing is sometimes when he flirts with some older co-workers (women) they don't mind and this is why I think he thinks it is ok to continue this behavior. So he had casually mentioned that he was going to get me a x-mas present, and I said "No, thank you I really don't want anything" I thought I was safe because x-mas passed and he didn't bring me anything. Then today he stops by brings a present for my boss (who had previously given him a present) and then taps me on the shoulder and presents me with a really nice jewelry gift I started to say "sorry but I can't accept this" when my boss says "you can't say no!" and takes it from him and shoves it on me. Now I am left with a set of diamond and emerald earrings and necklace that I wasn't going to accept in the first place. I have two choices: 1. Tell Human Resources about him, and he might get fired due to his history or 2. Talk to him after work, give him back the gift explaining that I can't accept such an elaborate gift and hope that he doesn't do it again and get's the hint. What do I do???
Etiquette - 18 Answers
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1
Just tell him how you feel and return the jewelry. Let him know your husband/boyfriend wants you to return them. If that doesn't work, email me and I'll send you my address to send the jewelry to me.
2
tell him its too much of a gift and you plainly cannot except it.Then you can tell him his flirting makes you uncomfortable and you want him to stop it immediatly.
3
wow that dude makes some serious cash to be buying you those items. Anyway this is a toughie indeed and my heart goes out to you. It is uncomfortable without a doubt but at the same time by accepting it shows that you are willing to take things from him. If I were you I would go to your boss show him the items he gave you and say this is totally inappropriate for this type of setting and that your BF or hubby or whomever would be very upset coming home with these personal gifts and dump the items on his desk and say "could you please take care of this for me as my boss"
4
try the 2nd option first n if he doesnt stop go for the 1st one
5
I would talk to him after work and explain to him the way you feel. When he sees you are serious it should solve the problem. I wouldn't be to hard on the old guy. You might be the woman of his dreams. Good luck!!!
6
Definitely go for option 2. You don't want to get him fired. Kindly give him the gift back and make it clear to him that you and him can never be anything more than friends.
7
Decent thing to do, without hurting him and putting a distance between you and him is to return with apologies. Say you can't accept such a gift and be firm. People like choices. If you wish you could suggest a small gift to keep him happy. This is only a tongue-in-cheek suggestion because it may encourage him and then you are really in trouble. Use your judgement on this approach. But, going to HR is not called for. If he harasses you in any way you have reason to put HR on notice of such a behaviour from an employee. Touching? Ha, march right into HR and make a written complaint. Saying a firm NO with a stern voice and not making eye contact and outright ignore will set him straight. No good mornings or wishes or how-are-you type of small talk with this guy.
8
diamonds......you dont want that?! Holy hell I would take it but it's just me. When dealing with older men ...btw i think he likes you....but when dealing with them take him to the side and explain to him why you cannot accept his gift. Make up a lie....tell him you have a bf or something to that nature.
9
First I would let him know that your feeling uncomfortable with his too-friendly attitude. At the same time that you mention this to him, mention it to your boss as well. This gives both of them an opportunity to address it without any consequence like being fired. If the behavior continues, then mention it to HR and note the day that you told him and your manager. But I wouldn't do it outside of work in order for HR to not be limited. That could be a loop hole that what happens outside of work, stays outside of work. It shouldn't to me, but with the way some laws are written it wouldn't surprise me. So, the next time he comes to you and it's not work related, I would mention it to him and your manager. Don't put any threats of HR in it. Just ask him to stop because it's making you uncomfortable. Then go from there. I should add, at the time that you mention it to him, give the gift back also.
10
I would go cash that in for whatever money I could get for it. You already said you didn't want anything and he was intent on giving you something.
11
NO HR, your second option is best, talk to him and thank him but give it back and explain you cannot and will not accept such a gift from him now or ever and your boss had no right to do that.
12
You need to consult Human Resources, and document all of this with them. Not only is your co-worker's behavior way beyond inappropriate, but also that of your boss in insisting that you accept a gift you were in the process of turning down. People like this are unscrupulous and do not take hints. You have already made yourself very clear and he is harassing you by continuing to force unwanted attentions on you. And the gift sounds so expensive that it might even be stolen, in which case you could be implicated for receiving stolen property. A man who works in the warehouse can't afford "diamond and "emerald" jewelry (if in fact they are real). Be very careful here! It might be best to turn the gift in to HR, with a full description of the circumstances and be sure to get a receipt for it. You do not need to be arrested as an accessory!
13
Difficult. Just don't ever allow yourself to be alone with him, ever. Not for any reason, find another co-worker if you have to work or discuss work, but don't put yourself in that situation. It can only get worse or encourage him. Don't handle this after work either.
14
Take it back to his office/ desk and just place it on the desk or in his mail box. Tell him this is inappropriate. (or you can mail it to his wife...stating you can't accept this gift) WHEN HE CALLS you honey, or my love... tell him "my name is Rachel NOT HONEY!!! and keep it up. I would talk to Human Resources ... letting them know you won't take action at this time but to make a paper trail just in case in the future it escalates. DON'T EXPECT this man to "GET THE HINT" HE won't He is the type that thinks if he just keeps giving you this kind of thin you will break... and you will! good luck (this kind of guy is a pain) and your boss should never had done what they did!
15
You are quite correct to refuse the gift. I suggest that you keep your conversation to the confines of your workplace - maybe during lunch with others around. You might me unsafe alone with him. If talking to him on your own does not seem to be working tell him you will have to go to human resources with the situation. The gift is just too much to be appropriate. You should also explain to your boss that you are not the type of girl to accept such a gift and then let the matter drop. If neither of these people are willing to drop things at this point, take the gift with you to human resources and explain things, telling them that you do not wish to have this held over your head at a later date and prefer to return the gift. Let them know that you have first tried to handle this yourself and what the results have been. Be proud of yourself for having the scruples you have as one can only guess what lies around the corner in a situation like this. God bless you and good luck.
16
I agree with RK. HR needs to be informed. This needs to be documented. Leave your bf/husband out of the equation. This is a professioal matter and needs to be handled in a professional manner according to laws dealing with the work place. He has overstepped his boundaries. Your boss was out of line also. This needs to be reported to their supervisor. It needs to be handled immediately. It has gone on too long. Again, do not be alone with this person. The gift was over the line. Be prepared for some rough times. Know that it should be handled discreetly, but it will get out that they were reported. So be strong. Hang in there and you will find out who your friends are. If it is not handled in an immediate fashion or glossed over, you can consult an attorney to see where you stand. There isn't supposed to be any recriminations.
17
Return the gift and be direct with him. Tell him, "I'm sorry, but I can't accept your gift. And I would prefer if you would please keep our relationship to a professional one only. I do not wish to include you in my private life." If he continues to bother you after that, you can speak to your boss or call Human Resources.
18
Well dont get him fired. That is just rude...considering how nice he is to you. Just talk to him after work and say that you would like to keep things professional between the both of you and that you cannot except such a lavish gift because you feel bad that you cant afford something as nice for him.
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